Are You Living Or Are You Existing

I just finish watching the movie The Family That Preys Together. Hum, I think that Tyler Perry is a great writer, I hope that he never forgets where he came from. We all forget sometimes that we are human and tend to be selfish too. I am no better than anyone, I’m just me. I think I’m harder on myself that anyone in my life and that’s because of my pass. I am making an excuse and it is just the truth. When someone attacks me, I fight with all my might.

No ones prefect and I think God intended it to be that why. Jesus wasn’t perfect, then why should we. Someone very kind too me said one day that someone will always find a fault in you. Boy was she right ( Laugh Out Loud). I saw the movie Redemption - The Stan, I’ll never forget what the main character said. I tend to forget a lot ;)  like his name :) He said that it’s hard to be good, it’s easy to be bad. Now Tyler Perry enlightens me once more in this movie with the words Are you living or are you existing. I lived my whole life trying so hard to be perfect for the one person that I thought counted, my mother. when I didn’t succeed, I would self destruct because in my child like eyes she was the picture of perfection. I guess in every child eyes the mother is perfection. * I smile*

My children love me so much but they are human (like Tyler Perry reminds us). They have feeling, dreams and their own lives, we must raise them to the best of your capacity. We must love them when they are bad and be tough because we love them.  (Madea comes to mind) :)  Remembering that we are not the only people that will influence them. Then we must set them free, well one day. Hope they learned what we taught them. We must aloud them to be special and point out their faults, and yes we must sacrifice. Only as much as we have to, not so much that we live our life in regret.

I remember the love in my childhood, I don’t remember the speeches or the criticism. I remember someone guiding me in a loving way but I don’t remember any blithering. I remember the pain it caused me, that is fresh in my mind. I endured so many mistake because of it. It pains me to even look back. I was bless with many people in my life. I think  they knew and they wanted to help. My suffering was so great that no love could conquer it. Only love for myself could and that was a hard road to follow. ;)

I have so much to learn and I am so bless to have discovered this now. I hope my children one day read my blogs and learn from them. I hope that one day they too will find peace in their hearts. That they will try hard to live a full life. Until then;

I’ll read books, see inspirational work by wonderful artist like Tyler Perry.

I will write in my blog about things that move me, powerful or silly.

I will live life and discover new things, theories, people and feelings.

I going to try to live a little more everyday.

Love a little more everyday and share a little more each day.

Bake cookies for my children or make Valentines Day special for them.

* I smile again*

Let them sit on my bed and watch movies with them.

Take them to the park and play on the swing set with them. * smile a lot now* I thinking of how much they love that, even thought I don’t fit in the the slide ( Laugh Out Loud).

Write my husband a letter or in my blog how special he is and how proud I am of him. I said I’m not  perfect; it’s easier for me to write what I feel. ;) 

Tell my cousins how much I love them even if they don’t believe it or think I’m being silly.

Praising a friend that deserves it.

Taking time out to do the one thing that always makes me feel good, loving someone else.

Never forgetting that God put me here and he is who I answer too in the end. :)

 

 

                                        

Dumbest Cop Ever LMAO

Hi Bloggerland :)
I just had to blog this. Ok Bloggers, This is why you don't use drugs! Drug are bad for you, DUD. I can't believe these people did not get arrested. This video was had me laughing all morning. ;)

GOD Can Help; Let Me Share How ;)

Hello Bloggerland! I just had one of those HA HA moments! WOW I feeling so good right now; it’s like my husband said one day " I just felt the Holy Spirit fill me!”

Last night I felt like I just couldn’t take it no more, no matter how much I tried. Nothing was working! I cried and I was crying with such a force that I let cried it all out. I thought to my self why! I’m doing everything you ask of me Lord! Why! I read books to help me be more knowledgeable, care for my children, inspire my husband to do right and tend to his need. I turn my cheek Lord, take care of myself, care for others, live a righteous life, live with You in my heart and give without expecting nothing in return. Why after all I’ve been thru………. Then I thought ok lord I trust you and I dried up my tears and went to bed. I woke up this morning and felt so drained but ok god I trust you, I know you’ll have the answer when I'm ready to receive it. So I pretended to be ok for my children’s sake.

Ok so why did I feel so helpless last night? Well let me tell you how wonderful my husband is. He has saved my life so many times. My struggles with the absence of my mother has been long and hard, and no matter how much I whined or took out my frustration on my husband. He was there for me! He is so strong, a thug on the outside, strong as a rock and a hustler, he will work himself to the bone just to provide for his family. He gives me so much love physical and emotionally. Now he’s not perfect; we have had to work at fixing each other out. A long 12 years together, very long years, but I can say he learned to give me what I need. He has become my prince in shinning armor. I am so very proud of him. 

Last night when he came home from working out of town, something was not right. My husband was not himself, I felt that his faith; that faith that pulled me thru all that pain was not there. My heart just sunk!……. I never thought I could see him like this, never. I didn’t know what to do. I had a hot bath for him, had one of his favorite meal for him. I guess I wasn’t helping, I just do not  know how to help him.( He’s the one that does that!) He just blew up!

He work so hard to start his own business bloggers, he worked his tail off. He made it thru the recession. he gave up his house, the first thing that he ever accomplish. He even made it thru high gas prices! Then one day the man he called Friend, Uncle T  just took his machine from him.

My husband was in and out of jail since he was 16. He make it thru the system, and changed his life around! He became a good, caring friend; a great father, a son a mother can be proud of, the husband I dreamed of; and a mentor to the youth of his formal world. A very hard working husband, here’s an example of what I mean; he been working out of town but this week it’s been especially hard. when he went to work on Monday, he didn’t get his premium(that is money a employer give his employee for food since he’s working out of town). He didn't bring money with him because he didn’t get paid last week and had to leave money for his kids too eat. Well he didn’t eat that well all week and for 235 pound 6 foot 3 inch man; who’s lifting rods all day and has high blood pressure, well you get. Ok so he come home on Friday after busting his A** all week. Then has to go pick up a part for his boss Friday night, didn’t get paid yet. He’s get back at 9pm spends time with his kids. I being a pain because I don’t think it fair. He wakes up at 6am and goes back to work an hour away. Then gets home at 10pm, spend some time with his kids. He carries Bat His Eyes and Make You Melt  to bed. He still worried about money because he only got paid for one week. WoW can you blame him if  he’s lost the faith Lord. When he did I lost my heart. 

I prayed my heart out and remembered that God is carrying me. He will show me the way.  Why did he lose what he deserved more than anyone I know.

That haha moment was the answer. God guided me to a program on TV. This women spoke in language that I could relate too, from Shella  J Ministries.  I think it was Shella but I can say for sure.

”If I give it to you then you will give it to them” “They want to drain your power” She said

What she meant was that you must work aside God fearing people. You must surround yourself with positive people that are going down God’s road. That are not only thinking about themselves but about other. Now I’m not saying that Uncle T is a bad person; he had a very wonderful mother ( R.I.P) who taught him God’s ways but I do think that he too has lost his way.  So God didn’t want my husband to give to him anymore of his hard work or maybe when he lost his way it trickled down the rope. Well anyway you want to put it, It Not His Time Yet! God doesn’t think he’s ready. Ok Lord but I’m ready to give, give and give until his HAHA moment. I will stand by my Man just as he did me.

So that's why I’m writing in this blog tonight at 1:30 am, while it’s fresh in my mind!

We are all going thru hard times now so Lord please pray for us, my friends, my family and even Uncle T. Help us to not forget that we all must give to receive, no matter how hard it get. Helps us not to forget that we must put You first Lord! That no matter how hard things get or how much we may lose that we mush follow your road Lord!

I still have more question I need answered Lord. I be waiting patiently because I believe You love Me Lord and I BELIEVE IN YOU LORD!!! I surrender to you oh Lard!

Let Do Something Positive Today ;)

Hi Bloggerland   Today I been thinking a lot about Bat His Eyes and Make Melt now 7 year old, youngest of the demanding household, he is such a blessing to my family! And to think he was not expected, lets say not planned. He suffers from a kidney disease and we have kept it under control with a special diet. Well I was reading Temptation by Mom-Blog on my Google Reader. It’s so nice to see such dedication from a Mom struggling with a child with special needs. Our children have your hearts in their hands and when you are faced with the probability that you could lose your child or your child my suffer; your world come crumbing down on you.

Bat His Eyes and Make Melt is a blessing in your home. From the moment I found out he could leave us, I became a better Mom. He lives life with such joy, it doesn’t even faze him that he’s sick. He get up every morning with a smile on his face and touches everyone he meets. Even when he can’t eat all the goodies that his brothers, sister, classmates or friends can eat. He just says ok and moves on. I can’t even stay on a diet, OMG chocolate is my sin. Not Bat His Eyes and Make Melt he values life and every moment it brings. I have not meet a special needs child that does not glow with life! When he gets sick, he filled with joy;

“ Mommy I get to see my doctor and go to my hospital”  he says. 

That's amazing that these children inspire so many people (Children hospital staffs, Doctor, Parent and anyone who helps) to give so much of themselves. They struggle everyday just to live and yet like my little angel can put a smile on his face and face the world. I can’t help it but it puts tears in my eyes.   I so proud of my little angel and I'm a better Mom, wife, friend…… just a better me because of him.

I want to help my fellow blogger and I did in a small way by taking action with Easter Seals to support families living with autism! If you are reading this just click the link, please. http://www.easterseals.com/actnow  It only takes a minute, just click, fill and send. Do something positive! Bat His Eyes and Make Melt is going to be thrilled when I read him my blog today! He loves to help and I love to see him smile too.

God Please Help Me!

I’m back bloggerland   and trying to write this blog has been one of the hardest things for me these passed few months.

I had a very hard few month. Like thousands of people ( maybe million, don’t know); we have lost our business and that bloggers was so overwhelming stressful for me. My husbands' worked years to achieve that accomplishment and we are so proud of him! One day unexpectedly for no reason, the person that we were leasing the machine from just took it. I’m not going to bore you with all the detail because it just a waste of time to even dwell on it. It happen and we had no chose but to move on. We were left with less than we started with; we gave up our home and place that our children grew up in for an “opportunity” to give them better. I can’t describe in words how I felt and just opted to not write such negativity in my blog. I prayed to God everyday to help me cope and move on for my children and my husband. God please help me! I prayed. I hind my disappointments, until I physically got sick. (That happen during Christmas and New Years.) I just kept thinking of the poem Footprints and what  it says:

The LORD replied, “My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was that I carried you”

Well bloggers things got more complicated but I bought the poem and hug it in my doorway and prayed God Please Help me! My husband has been an angel in my life and I wanted to do the same for him. I want to be strong for my family but I was struggling with so many issues all at once. So I prayed and prayed PLEASE GOD HELP ME! And then I literally stubble across this book stop whining START LIVING by Dr. Laura Schlessingger. She made me see things differently, and this book is helping me cope with all my new challenges in a more productive way. May I say this resection is now a blessing, wow I can’t believe I wrote that! It’s true losing the house, losing the business and even “losing” my husband ( he’s working out off town for months now) has been a blessing. I see negative things in a positive light and I wish I had read this book years ago. Here’s an example from the book and what I mean:

Another listener, Amanda, send me one of those Internet goodies called  “we all need a tree”.  As the story goes, a plumber was hired to restore a old farmhouse,  and after he had just finished a rough first day on the job, a flat tire made him lose a hour of work, his electric drill quit, and his ancient one-ton truck refused to start. His temporary employer drove him home as he sat in stony silence. When they got to his house, the plumber invited the employer in to meet his family. As they walked toward the door the plumber paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. When opening the door he underwent a amazing transformation: his face creased into big smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

When the plumber walked the employer back to her car they passed the tree and the employer's curiosity got the  better of her. She asked about the tree and why he touched it as he did.

“I know I can’t help having troubles on the job, but one things for sure, they don’t belong in the house with my wife and children… so I just hang them up on the tree every night  when I come home from work and ask God to take care of them. Then in the morning I pick them up again. Funny thing is”  -he smiled – “ when I come out in the morning to pick ‘em up, there  aren’t nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before.”

It is up to both the husband and wife to use loving compassion to help each other cope with stresses; and each spouse has responsibility to minimize the figurative mud they drag into their homes on their shoes."

God is carrying me right now!  My job is to take care of my family and trust in him;  just as the plumber did.   Dr. Laura Schlessingger also say “ Being “happy” doesn’t just have to mean that you get what you want; a tremendous amount of happiness comes from the sacrifices you make to fulfill the needs of other who depend upon you.”   Wow I feel so foolish! How can I not TRUST IN him, God is carrying me right now! Everything is going to be ok!