Are You Living Or Are You Existing

I just finish watching the movie The Family That Preys Together. Hum, I think that Tyler Perry is a great writer, I hope that he never forgets where he came from. We all forget sometimes that we are human and tend to be selfish too. I am no better than anyone, I’m just me. I think I’m harder on myself that anyone in my life and that’s because of my pass. I am making an excuse and it is just the truth. When someone attacks me, I fight with all my might.

No ones prefect and I think God intended it to be that why. Jesus wasn’t perfect, then why should we. Someone very kind too me said one day that someone will always find a fault in you. Boy was she right ( Laugh Out Loud). I saw the movie Redemption - The Stan, I’ll never forget what the main character said. I tend to forget a lot ;)  like his name :) He said that it’s hard to be good, it’s easy to be bad. Now Tyler Perry enlightens me once more in this movie with the words Are you living or are you existing. I lived my whole life trying so hard to be perfect for the one person that I thought counted, my mother. when I didn’t succeed, I would self destruct because in my child like eyes she was the picture of perfection. I guess in every child eyes the mother is perfection. * I smile*

My children love me so much but they are human (like Tyler Perry reminds us). They have feeling, dreams and their own lives, we must raise them to the best of your capacity. We must love them when they are bad and be tough because we love them.  (Madea comes to mind) :)  Remembering that we are not the only people that will influence them. Then we must set them free, well one day. Hope they learned what we taught them. We must aloud them to be special and point out their faults, and yes we must sacrifice. Only as much as we have to, not so much that we live our life in regret.

I remember the love in my childhood, I don’t remember the speeches or the criticism. I remember someone guiding me in a loving way but I don’t remember any blithering. I remember the pain it caused me, that is fresh in my mind. I endured so many mistake because of it. It pains me to even look back. I was bless with many people in my life. I think  they knew and they wanted to help. My suffering was so great that no love could conquer it. Only love for myself could and that was a hard road to follow. ;)

I have so much to learn and I am so bless to have discovered this now. I hope my children one day read my blogs and learn from them. I hope that one day they too will find peace in their hearts. That they will try hard to live a full life. Until then;

I’ll read books, see inspirational work by wonderful artist like Tyler Perry.

I will write in my blog about things that move me, powerful or silly.

I will live life and discover new things, theories, people and feelings.

I going to try to live a little more everyday.

Love a little more everyday and share a little more each day.

Bake cookies for my children or make Valentines Day special for them.

* I smile again*

Let them sit on my bed and watch movies with them.

Take them to the park and play on the swing set with them. * smile a lot now* I thinking of how much they love that, even thought I don’t fit in the the slide ( Laugh Out Loud).

Write my husband a letter or in my blog how special he is and how proud I am of him. I said I’m not  perfect; it’s easier for me to write what I feel. ;) 

Tell my cousins how much I love them even if they don’t believe it or think I’m being silly.

Praising a friend that deserves it.

Taking time out to do the one thing that always makes me feel good, loving someone else.

Never forgetting that God put me here and he is who I answer too in the end. :)